Hacked Headlines

Original Content in italics. Emphasis, Sarcasm and Highlights mine.
-via Martin Crutsinger, AP
FED TO FORECAST INTEREST RATES
The Federal Reserve will now update the public four times a year on how long it plans to keep interest rates at record lows.  The Fed funds rate (which is the interest rates banks pay to borrow money from the Fed) has been at or near zero for the past three years.  Lower rates could lead consumers and businesses to borrow and spend more, and could benefit the economy.  Hooray economy!

via E Scott Reckard, LA Times
BANK OF AMERICA CALLING IN SMALL BUSINESS LOANS
Bank of America is severing lines of credit to some small businesses who have used them to stay afloat.  The bank is demanding they pay off their balances all at once instead of making monthly payments.  If they can't pay in full, they are being offered new plans for as long as five years at far higher interest rates.  One customer, Babak Zahabizadeh, was told his $96,000 debt was due January 25th.  Babak, presumably stupefied that a bailed-out "Too Big Too Fail" bank that owes it's existence to trillions in future taxpayer funds AND gets free money from the Fed would put the screws to him, responded "Dude, your're calling a guy who's barely surviving!" He was generously offered multiple alternatives to simply paying his entire loan off. One Doozy was "stretching his payments over 2 years while paying 12% interest,  10 times his current monthly payment." (Math types will note Babak's previous rate was still 1.2% higher than Bank of America's borrowing cost) Babak noted he's had to cut staff from 200 to 80 to survive the recovery this long (a typical Main Street response to a 60% decrease in business). His arguments have failed to impress the bank, whose CEO Brian Moynihan has sworn to reign in "Non-Core" investments to address losses caused by loose-lending (to people who rely on the REAL economy to pay them back) and rapid expansion.

Bullshit Sifter!

By "Non-core" Brian means "Why take any risk at all (without interest rates that would make a gangster blush) in the real economy when we can get a government guaranteed 3% rate to buy Treasury notes with no risk?  Up Yours Main Street.  Go occupy something"